Stepping out of the shadows
In the Tellmi About It podcast series, psychologist and co-founder of the Tellmi Mental Health Service, Dr Suzi Godson, speaks to young people who have been impacted by mental health issues, and discusses their journey to recovery.
Tellmi About It was started to give the young people that we support a voice.
There are so many stories about mental health in the papers, but you rarely get to hear from young people themselves. And what these podcasts demonstrate is that mental health is generally a response to very challenging life events and experiences. The latest episode covers one of the most difficult topics that we have ever broached, child sexual abuse.
In a deeply moving interview, Suzi talks to Haneefa, who has Autism and PTSD. During their conversation, Haneefa shares her powerful journey of overcoming years of childhood sexual abuse, navigating cultural silence, and the profound, ongoing process of discovering who she is outside of survival mode.
When Haneefa was just five years old, an older cousin came over from Bangladesh and moved in to her family’s home in the UK. Culturally, it was entirely normal to treat a cousin like a sibling, and her parents treated him like their own son. But behind closed doors, a nightmare began.
Initially, Haneefa adored her cousin, but by the time she was six years old, he was routinely sexually abusing her. To cope, Haneefa developed a psychological defence mechanism, dissociation.
"I just kind of like switched my brain off... That was kind of my coping strategy as a child whenever anything bad was happening to me to just pretend it wasn't happening."
Like many survivors, Haneefa carried an unfair burden of guilt, believing the abuse was somehow her fault. When her cousin finally moved out, she felt an immense sense of relief, followed immediately by a crushing sense of guilt that she wasn’t missing him like a "good cousin" should.
For years, the trauma remained buried under a layer of denial. It wasn't until Haneefa was a teenager that the secret she had been keeping “hit her like a truck”. During a severe panic attack at home, she finally blurted out the truth to her brothers. They supported her and cut all contact with their cousin, but Haneefa still has not spoken to her parents about what happened. With the help of a therapist who shared her Muslim and South Asian background and who deeply understood the cultural nuances of family dynamics, Haneefa slowly found the strength to speak up and she eventually reported the abuse to the police.
Today, Haneefa faces a different kind of challenge - learning how to live when you no longer have to constantly fight to survive. The trauma forced her to put her education on hold, and she describes feeling a deep, bone-weary exhaustion from years of being on edge.
But out of that exhaustion, a new person is emerging. Haneefa is working to get to know herself. As a child, her opinions and choices were dictated by whatever kept her safest. Now, she is learning what it means to actually care about things, to have an opinion and to do something incredibly liberating - saying no.
Part of Haneefa’s ongoing recovery has been her involvement with Tellmi. Through Tellmi, Haneefa discovered that supporting others who had endured similar experiences was healing for her. By telling another young person that they are safe, that they are worthy, and that the abuse was not their fault, Haneefa finally allowed herself to believe that those words applied to her, too.
Haneefa’s journey reminds us that healing is not a linear process with an identifiable moment of closure. Instead, it is a daily practice of allowing yourself to exist, to feel, and to step out of the shadows of the past into the light of your own identity.
You can listen to Haneefa’s story and other episodes of Tellmi About It wherever you get your podcasts.
If you, or someone you know, is being abused you can contact the NSPCC Helpline on 0808 800 5000 between 10am and 4pm Monday to Friday. You have the option to remain anonymous. You can also contact your local Children’s Services, or call the police on 999 if the risk is immediate or 101 if the issue is historic.
If you are concerned about any of the issues that are discussed in this podcast, you can get anonymous support on the Tellmi app.